From Panic Attacks to My First Profitable Year in Day Trading

How Overcoming Fear Made Me a Better Trader

I want to share how I achieved my first profitable year day trading by overcoming fear.

Now, you need to understand something – I’ve been trading for years.

And I was terrified of losing money.

When I started, my heart used to race over risking just $4 per trade.

Over time, I managed to handle bigger risks, but I never went beyond $100 per trade.

And honestly, I was doing fine – making small but consistent profits for over half a year.

A few hundred dollars a month.

But increasing my risk to make real money? No way.

Too scary.

And frankly, I was too comfortable.

Mediocre but safe.

At 32, the universe forced me to face fear head-on.

I’ve been a cautious person as far back as I can remember.

I grew up in a small settlement in northern Israel, where there was no public transport.

The only way out of the settlement was hitchhiking, which all my friends did.

But I was too afraid of being kidnapped, so I stayed behind while my friends went out to hang out.

I was scared to walk alone in the dark.

In public spaces, I’d always keep an eye on anyone suspicious, ready to warn an adult at the first sign of trouble.

As I got older, the fears shifted.

Mild fear of flying.

Fear of illnesses.

For a whole year, I kept visiting doctors, pointing out weird things I’d find on my body (by the way, if you’re worried about a lump under your tongue – don’t be – it’s just your third salivary gland).

During COVID, I was scared the vaccine might contain a microchip.

Fear of losing money.

All sorts of fears – some absurd, some less so.

By 32, I’d glided through life relatively unscathed, and my fears had proven mostly imaginary.

I had a comfortable job with a good salary in a cozy apartment. Surrounded by family and friends.

Trading the stock market as a low-stakes hobby – doing pretty well, actually.

I built my life to be comfortable and calm.

I lacked for nothing.

And then, out of nowhere, came the real thing.

My morning view

A deafening boom.

Followed by a shockwave that felt like a powerful gust of wind.

My 2-year-old, Milla, in my arms, looking confused.

I turned right and saw a massive mushroom cloud.

I looked straight ahead and locked eyes with my brother, Dor.

He’d always been easygoing, capable of handling anything.

But for the first time in my life, I saw panic in his eyes. "RUN!" he screamed.

We ran after him to the downstairs neighbor’s bomb shelter, which she’d left open for us.

We sat there for what felt like hours, with hundreds of booms shaking the shelter window.

That night was the first we spent at Dor’s – Milla, my wife, and I.

"Does this happen here often?" I asked Dor.

"No," he said.

"Was there any buildup?" I don’t follow the news so I thought I might’ve missed something.

"No," he said.

A complete surprise.

When the booms stopped for over half an hour, we packed everything into the car and sped north.

On the way, countless roadblocks, armed people without uniforms.

Each time, I’d stop 100 meters ahead to figure out if they were friendly or hostile.

The road was littered with wrecked cars from panicked drivers fleeing north.

Chaos.

We finally made it to my wife’s parents in the North, and my body began to calm down.

But then came the sirens.

"Thousands of aircraft crossed the northern border," the news said.

"You’re pale," my mother-in-law told me in the shelter.

"Drink something."

I thought it was the end.

Drones with armed attackers coming to the kibbutz, no way out.

In the end, it turned out to be a false alarm.

A flock of birds or something.

The following months were consumed by endless anxiety.

I woke up almost every night to phantom booms. We slept in my in-laws' shelter even when it wasn’t necessary.

I couldn’t bear the thought of being caught off guard by a siren.

Depression crept in. Work lost its importance.

I began losing money in the stock market.

A year of profitability, gone in an instant.

I became a robotic, apathetic father.

Consumed by thoughts of the world ending – and my own end.

"Pack your bags – we’re going to Thailand."

My wife thought it would help me.

"We’ll clear our heads for a month and come back."

I grabbed the opportunity.

Within two weeks, we were in Koh Phangan – our favorite island.

The contrast between the life we left behind and this paradise was surreal.

They say the island sits on a rose quartz crystal deposit, known for spiritual transformation.

But even there, among jungle trees and the sounds of geckos (the cutest lizards ever), the anxiety stayed.

One night, I heard booms outside the house.

My lower back tightened instantly, and I ran out looking for the nearest shelter.

I found the owner of our Airbnb turning off his heavy motorcycle.

I broke down. I cried like I hadn’t cried in years.

I felt broken, like I’d never be the same again.

When I finally calmed down, I made a decision – I was going to fix myself.

He looked like Jesus. The calmest man alive.

Our one-month trip turned into two, then three.

Milla played with a wooden Waldorf toy.

I took her to a playroom in the middle of the island, with big windows overlooking the jungle.

A peaceful place with mats on the floor, lots of educational toys, and – most importantly – space for me to work on my laptop while she kept busy.

I sat at the bar, programming a new trading strategy I wanted to test.

A mom left her child with the room’s nanny, and the kid wouldn’t stop screaming.

Kid, please, I need to focus – this is my only work time today.

Then, a tall man with long hair and a beard floated into the room.
The child stopped crying immediately.

He slowly walked over to the man, hugged his leg.

The man gently patted his back twice, and the child walked away quietly, engrossed in a toy.

"Are you his father?" I asked him.

They looked nothing alike.

"No, I don’t know him," he replied softly in Hebrew, smiling.

"So what was that?" I asked.

"I don’t know – it happens a lot. Kids calm down around me."

I don’t know what I just saw, but his calm? I wanted that. Unshakable serenity.

After talking to him, I learned that recurring anxiety had led him to change his life.

He discovered Kabbalah and became a student. He recommended an online course.

So I started studying Kabbalah.

The rabbi I learned from also taught techniques for overcoming anxiety.

It resonated deeply – it felt like the theory of everything.

Thoughts create the reality we see.

Every emotion is an opportunity for growth.

Healthy living for the body and soul. And other "hippie" stuff.

But I had one problem – the rabbi said every fear stems from sins, in this life or past lives.

Every time you feel fear, ask God for forgiveness, and over time, you’ll feel better.

I was disappointed.

I wasn’t going to ask forgiveness for someone I was in a past life – I don’t remember anything from then.

And just forgiveness?

That’s it?

All sins erased?

I didn’t buy it.

"If only there was a version of this without the religious paradoxes," I told a friend on the island.

"There is, bro – Ran Kalif," he said.

The following months were a fascinating rabbit hole.

Slowly, the anxiety faded.

Ran Kalif’s teachings are beyond the scope of this story, but let’s just say I felt like I was fixing myself.

The fear disappeared, and I agreed to return home after four months abroad.

Even when war reached the North, I managed to cope relatively well.

The booms became routine, but I stayed functional.

Work.

The kids had their dad back.

Aggressively increasing trading risk felt natural. No racing heart, no fears. I gradually increased to risking $1,000 per trade.

Indifferent to gains or losses – exactly how a trader needs to be to succeed.

I closed the most turbulent year of my life with a 83% annual return in stocks.

133% in crypto.

A year where I hit rock bottom and rose to new heights in my career and spiritual life.

But $5,000 a month isn’t the reason I started trading.

In 2025, my goal is to achieve 500% returns.

I’m also hoping to compound my gains instead of using them for living expenses.

I’ve decided to return to publicly journaling my journey.

I invite you to follow my ups and downs through my newsletter.

You’ll discover trading strategies I’ve back-tested over the years, see my results, and hear stories of traders that will hopefully help you become better traders as well.